I'm singin' the blues (and not as well as Etta)...

I’m hitting my One Year of Service blues.  It’s a normal part of the Peace Corps experience for PCVs once we reach our 11-15 month mark; one of many on our natural roller coaster of emotions during service. It’s normal but it definitely sucks. A lot. Been struggling with lots of things in regards to these silly Blues (I wonder if they would be more manageable if Hugh Laurie or Michael Buble sang them…?), but with the help and kind words from family and friends – seriously, you guys are LIFESAVERS for listening to me bitch as much as I do – I’ve been slowly getting through them. Just bear with me for a little while longer and hopefully when the winter fades away, so will the Blues.

It’s not as if I don’t like being the Peace Corps and am completely ready to give it all up just to go back to being a crazy, over-indulgent American, ‘cause that’s not the case at all. I do love being in Peace Corps, I’m just going through that phase of feeling unfulfilled and useless at site. It probably doesn’t help that I just spent like 6 weeks out of country (in Morocco and Thailand, yes please!) and speaking mainly English all the time. In order to deal with this, I’m trying to interact more with my host-family and do more things with people in the village and just being more pro-active about projects and life in K-stan in general. And one thing that a friend of mine helped me to realize is that no matter what I actually do in country, one of the things that Peace Corps has helped me discover is who I am as a person. Yes, cue cheesy inspirational music… It’s helping me figure out what I love about myself, what I like in my life, what I don’t like, etc. And that’s something that I will hopefully take with me for the rest of my life. Kuday burusaa (‘god willing’ in Kyrgyz).

Which then brings me to the point of my Americanness. While I don’t love-with-every-fibre-of-my-being my Americanness, Peace Corps has helped me appreciate it so much more than I had in the past. And I cannot wait to take those feelings of appreciation back to the States/UK with me after I’m finished with this experience. For the longest time, I was always the girl who wanted to get out and travel and experience any- and everything she could. [I still am, but that’s beside the point.] And in doing so, I ventured to the UK where I was always dubbed the ‘Most Un-American American’ any of my friends had ever met. And that was something on which I really prided myself. I don’t think I have really changed that much in terms of attitude or general personality, but I most definitely am an American and would not have it any other way. However, don’t expect me to go get a biker tattoo complete with bald eagle and giant American flag; I’m not quite there yet. But I really am so thankful that I have the access to silly TV shows whenever I need them or can go out for a meal that doesn’t take 3 hours from start to finish, unless I make it last that long by talking or giggling with friends. I would not give up the fact that I am the biggest fucking theatre geek on the planet and had the ability – either in Chicago or on trips with Mom/Ri to NYC – to go see 5 plays in the course of a weekend. I love that in America, being a 24 year old woman who is NOT married isn’t a bad thing. I love that in America, I could go to the grocery store and buy a whole bunch of things that aren’t oil, potatoes, or sheep fat to make a delicious, homemade meal (oh my God, a spinach and strawberry salad with a strawberry vinaigrette dressing would be so fucking primetime right now!).

Maybe what’s frustrating me so much about this whole thing is the fact that I feel like I’ve lost so much of ‘ME’ over the course of the past year. As silly and crazy as I can be with certain people in country, I cannot be the Sarah Hopkins most of you knew back in the States. I have to curb my stupid pop-culture referencing (and yeah, I’ll admit it, sometimes that’s a little weird), I have to push down the fact that I would be much more willing to jam out (and sing at the top of my lungs) to a Broadway musical soundtrack then some club album. I’m just not quite me anymore. And I need to get that back, but don’t know how.

With all of that bitching and complaining being said, here are some of the awesome things to which I’m looking forward in the next few months, PC and Kyrgyzstan-related:

-       Spring.

-       My mom (and possibly Tif) coming to visit.

-       A possible visit from the padre (or some crazy adventure in Russia?).

-       The K-20s finally showing up.

-       Summer.

-       The possibility of being a PCVT and helping the newbies through PST.

-       Two different summer camps I’m helping put together.

-       Jess coming to visit.

-       Fresh fruits and vegetables (that don’t cost me half my month’s salary).

-       Hopefully starting up a few projects I love and can get behind.

-       My kindle coming back into my possession.

-       New Game of Thrones season.

I just really need to keep focusing on all of the good things about this experience and taking one day at a day. One ‘accomplishment’ for each day and then going on from there. I can do this. I really can. :) The Blues are a natural part of this experience and so is getting over it. Be patient with me and I’ll get there.

You all are so amazing. I miss and love you so much. Think about you guys so often. Let me know what’s going on in your lives (JOE – this means you!). Don’t hear from nearly enough of you on a regular basis. Haha.

<3

Calm it down, kids.

Alright, for those of you who’d like a less cryptic update as to why I’m currently hanging out in Thailand, here’s the entry for you. No one needs to be freaking out about this, I’ll be fine (Mom, Dad, this means you!). I'm not having my hand chopped off nor am I undergoing some radical lobotomy.

I’m here because I have a ganglion cyst on the inside of my right wrist. I’m pretty sure it was caused due to me lugging my giant-ass suitcases worth of goodies (thank you again, Mom) back to my village through Kazakhstan. Lots of lifting and dragging a giant 50+ lb bag with one hand. Obviously, my wrist did NOT like that. So now I have this little bubble of whatever stuck on one of my tendons on my wrist. At first it was causing me loads of pain when I used and flexed it. Because of that I went to Bishkek to have it checked out. They wanted to try compression bandages and just force/squeeze the thing away. Needless to say, ‘cause of my lifestyle back in Talas (thank you, little host siblings!), immobility and something like that just wasn’t going to fly. Continuing on on the goose chase, we tried the med unit at the US Embassy to see if they could just drain the damn thing and be done with it. Because of the location of the cyst, she couldn’t. She said that she could attempt to drain it, but because it is so close to arteries, tendons, veins, etc., she didn’t want to inject the steroids to keep it from getting infected and returning. Fast forward a few hours and here I am, in Bangkok, having shenanigans dealt with. The doc says that the pain is most likely from tendonitis from the heavy lifting and not from the cyst itself, therefore trying to prolong the need for surgery (to Mom’s very large relief). Have an appointment on Saturday to see if the anti-inflammatory drugs are doing their job (as of right now, it still hurts), and then another a week later to see if it’s operation time or just go home with a giant lump on my wrist until the end of service where I’ll more than likely want it cut off anyway. Haha.

Will continue to keep everyone updated on how life goes. As for right now, Thailand is hot, humid, delicious, noisy, sunny, fantastic. Now, if only I had my fucking camera…
<3

Finally.

Well gang, I think it’s about that time again. Time for me to update you all on the craziness that has become my life. I bet you’ve missed it, haven’t you? NOT. Haha. Quite a bit has been going on both in the K and other places; lots of stuff that I think I need to get out of my head, so I can work slash talk (to) myself through some things. Bear with me? If you’re not interested, it’s as easy as hitting that little ‘x’ on the corner of your screen or redirecting to whatever stumbleupon site you were just playing on. ;)

Firstly – my trip to Morocco with the madre. Holy balls, was it brilliant. Definitely going back, insha’allah. Started off with an awesome 4 am flight out of Bishkek, after having spent about an hour sleeping on the couch in the PCV resource centre; yeah, I’m classy like that. Don’t you love it when you start international flights (which you KNOW are going to take forever and be physically draining) with no sleep? Fast-forward a flight to Istanbul and then another one to Casablanca to when I’m hurrying through Moroccan customs, knowing my mom is on the other side of it. Cue sappy music: Yes, I did kind of walk quickly into her arms with the biggest ass grin on my face. Don’t judge – I hadn’t seen her in exactly 9 months (and as surprising as it is, that is legit the longest I have gone without seeing her – Mama’s girl, probably, but I wouldn’t have it any other way)! And then everything clicked back into our normal crazy selves, like nothing had happened or we had been apart. So wonderful.

Then we head out into the warm, Moroccan sun to find our guide Youssef. Boys and girls, let me tell you about this guy: if we had had a different guide, I honestly think it would have been a COMPLETELY different trip. He was so perfect for my mom’s and my craziness, ‘cause he was just as crazy. Totally not afraid to joke around, make fun of us, be silly, dance and sing on our long drives around the country. If it gives you any indication of what kind of a guy he was, he is probably one of U2’s biggest fans (although JP might contest that…) and could not help brag and show pictures of when he was hired by them for about a month while they were in Fes recording No Line on the Horizon. He definitely made our introduction and stay in the country more than epic. Too bad he’s not on FB, otherwise I’d give him a shout-out. Haha.

Anyway, we were off to do a little drive through Casablanca before heading to our hotel (hello, Jetlag!). For those of you who haven’t been driving in Morocco – consider yourselves lucky and I highly recommend investing in about six extra seat belts and airbags for your cars if you do so. Terrifying. And that’s me saying it after having lived in Africa and gone through the Talas pass during winter. Balls. Imagining Mom driving there was a point of much laughter during the two weeks. :) Passed by both Hassan II Mosque (GORGEOUS!) and Rick’s Café (God bless smart marketing!) and a really cool open square near our hotel. But instead of really indulging – there was a Pizza Hut delivery place super close to us, but for some STUPID reason, I didn’t go there once during my whole trip; STUPID Sarah – Mom and I opted for dinner at the hotel and then having a mini-Christmas. I gave her some Kyrgyz stuff (calpaks, slippers, PC shirts, etc.) to deliver to the rest of the fam and she brought so stuff that was much needed on my side (more ‘me’ clothes from home, Chex Mix [!], PB M&Ms, nice mittens from Dad, Starbucks VIA – YESSSSSS!). Took a much-needed and enjoyed shower and then passed the balls out.

The next morning we barely made it (we both like to sleep and I didn’t wanna get outta bed) to the guided tour of the Hassan II Mosque. It is situated right on the coast, I think it even hangs over the water?, because of a verse in the Koran about God’s throne being on the water. I think it’s the only working mosque that allows women/people of non-Muslim faith in to see it. Let me tell you: was NOT disappointed. Seriously gorgeous. There are a bazillion pictures of it on FB, so check it out there. The main hall fits about 20,000 men and 5,000 women AND the roof opens during the summer and Ramadan. Epic. Seeing this mosque just reaffirmed for me the beauty and amazingness of Islam and everything related to it. In fact, the whole trip did that as well, which makes it that much damn harder to be here in K-stan for another 18 months. Come on, Hopkins, just power through it. You’ll get there eventually.

After the tour we headed to Rabat for the afternoon to eat lunch, look around the medina, and then head on to Fes, which turned out to be both Mom’s and my favourite city. Don’t know why exactly, but it was gorgeous. Especially at sunset. LOVE. There was a point where we were on a giant hill over looking the city as the sun was going down and one of the two fortresses that had been built ages ago was lit up both by the sun and artificial lights and it looked almost identical to Edinburgh Castle. Needless to say, my heart missed that and everyone in good ol’ Ed right now. Cannot WAIT to get back there. Too bad everyone I know will more than likely be off pursuing their own crazy adventures other places. Unless you’d like to stay and just hang out with me…? Wink wink, nudge nudge. In Fes we toured the old medina (love it); bought some gorgeous Moroccan carpets from a women’s co-op – they rival even Persian ones! – but alas Mom had to take mine back to the States, which means I won’t see it for another year and a half; toured a pottery place where they did literally everything by hand with little to no electronic help; and obviously bought a fez, ‘cause they’re cool.

From Fes we took a day trip to some Roman ruins – Volubilis – and drove through olive country. It was astounding to me how many different types of ecospheres there are in Morocco; literally every kind you could possibly think of. Desert, coastal region, gorgeous vineyard-y, etc. Best of all worlds, I guess. After our adventures there, we made our way down to Erfoud which is where we spent the night before CAMELS. Yes, you read that correctly: Mom and I trekked (with the help of a 4x4) out to the edge of the Sahara Desert and then rode camels to this super cool Berber camp where we spent the freezing cold – although it could probably be argued that my room back in Kyzyl Jyldyz is actually colder than it was there – night in tents before catch the sunrise and heading back to ‘civilization.’ I just have this to say: Camels are one of the weirdest effing animals on the planet. They look SO WEIRD. Their humps and their knobbly knees… Come on, man. Oh, and they’re SUPER tall. When they stand up, with you on ‘em, terrifying. Haha. But at the same time, sunrise and sunset out in the middle (well, not really) of the Sahara Desert is stunning. You’re so far removed from all the bullshit of life and just nothing between you and the sun but sand. If you don’t believe me, look at the pics on FB. Done and done.

Then off to Marrakech. Not really our favourite of the cities, but still pretty cool nonetheless. This is where we did most of our shopping – both for souvenirs and just personal stuff. Let me tell you: Mom is THE WORST haggler on the planet. Haha. She can be guilted into buying almost anything. Even a dozen shishkabob sticks that she will more than likely never use. Or a puzzle box. Silly Mom. ;) Loads of cool stuff, minus the snake charmers (when did that dislike of snakes come up, Sarah?!). And the food… OHMYGOD,YOUGUYSTHEFOOD! Moroccan PCVs do NOT know how good they’ve got it. Fresh fruits and vegetables for cheap, even in the middle of winter. Food with spices and flavor abound. Sheep/lamb cooked properly – not just boiled! Heaven in a little tiny wonderful country.

Which then brings me to a little bit of a ‘deeper’ topic. While in Morocco, and a few weeks before hand, I did a lot of soul-searching about how I feel about K-stan, my experiences, and how I think I will change in the future once I’m finished. Even though I loved every single thing about Morocco – even the hellish traffic – and envied most of the PCVs there (seriously, even their ‘tiny’ villages were epic to proportions!), I don’t think I would trade their experience for mine in a thousand years. I feel as if I am having a ‘real’ PC experience here. I really am so far (well, relatively) removed from everything ‘comfortable’ and ‘known’ to me. I have been forced to really settle into Kyrgyz life and become one of them, as much as possible.

However, with all that being said, I have come to the realization that despite how much of a ‘hippie’ and whatever I’ve considered myself over the past few years, I really like a lot of American and Western things. For example, I miss going to movies, I miss going to the theatre and geeking out, I miss being able to go shopping and or dress up for a night out (with decent drinks), I miss being able to cook a full meal in less than 5 hours. None of this is coming out the way I want it to; I wish I could put it more eloquently… I love what I do here, I really do, but I also miss so many things from America. And I’m having a hard time coming to terms with that; letting the two co-exist with one another. It’s as if I cannot let the materialistic part of me come through and be happy if I’m going to be living and serving in developing countries where people wouldn’t even DREAM of having the things I’m ‘giving up.’ Does any of this make sense? Hopefully, little by little, I’ll be able to get my shit together and realize that the two CAN go side by side and be happy and appreciate for it all.

Kyrgyzstan is treating me well, just know. Having some pretty hard times readjusting to life back in the K after my trip. Luckily I had a few days in the Kek with JDubs and 2/3 of Team Indulgence to help slide me back into things.  But my first night back in my village was just awful: my little sister is apparently pretty sick so she screamed and cried all.night.long. That, in combination with not really knowing what time zone I’m in, have not done wonders for my mental health and sleep cycle. Haha. Also had forgotten that I had loads of work to do to get this Mom’s Club off the ground. It’s been diving in and hitting the ground running. Never been my strong point, but I’m hoping that with the new year I’ll be better at this kind of stuff. Even went so far as to completely clean and reorganize my little tiny room here in the vil. It’s amazing what that, and a bunch of ‘new’ clothes will do to a girl’s confidence, motivation, and well-being. Get ‘er done, Hopkins. :)

Now for the randomness:

-       Kindle broke so it’s back to physical books until Mom can send me the replacement one. Could also be an issue when the power goes out – as it’s not really possible to read in the dark. Luckily I have a few that could keep my attention until then.

-       The new Sherlock – HOLYBALLS. I need more Sherlock/Irene Addler in my life. Sexy, brilliant, smart, wonderful. The second one was just as awesome – we all know I love me some Russell Tovey, especially when he properly acts! – but not as much as the first one. I think it’ll be quite similar to the first season: third and first were better than the second one. Now, if only I could somehow manage enough free interwebz (NOT gonna happen) to see the last one come Sunday. Anyone want to help a sister out? :)

-       Anyone else, other than the Lukester read Passage by Justin Cronin? Finished it while in Morocco and want to talk about it more… Also, who knows definitively when the next one is coming out?

-       Weddings, babies, and engagements: Guys, I know that life goes on, but COME ON! Do so flipping many of you need to have important events happen in your life while I’m gone? Jonesy, Skank, Skippy (yeah, I know this is old)! Alright, it needs to stop. Enough with all that until I can actually get back and participate in these things, will you?!

-       Only 2 more weeks until my birthday. God, I feel old.

-       The Hobbit. YESPLEASE. If the perfection that is the trailer is any indication of the rest of the film(s) – and let’s be honest, it’ll probably be better, ‘cause we haven’t even seen Benedict Cumberbatch as Smaug yet! – then I’m ready. Now. Kathryn, Fifi, Fee Cee, please be advised that a trip to your neck of the woods for Christmas next year (or at least on my way home from PC in June-ish of 2013) is in the possible mix of places to find a warm place with an English speaking movie theatre.

I’m sure there are other things I’m missing that I wanted to talk about, but my brain is completely scrambled with every thing possible. So I’ll just end it now.

I will try and be better about updating this thing in this year, but bear with me if I don’t. Sometimes it’s just normal life here, nothing exciting! Missing you all to the moon and back. Hope your New Years is starting out wonderfully and wishing you legitimately all of the best in everything that you all do!

<3

PS – With thanks to Chris Swerczek, the idea has now been planted in my head about possibly writing a book… Thoughts? Topics? Would anyone actually read some piece of shit I write? Haha. Always been a dream of mine, but never thought people would actually want or read it.

Turkey is not just a sports term...

Yeah, it’s been a long time coming. Have been dealing with some things that are not blog-worthy, so I’ve been partaking in radio silence. Hopefully things will work themselves out and I’ll be able to keep you guys better updated. And you better your effing bottom dollar that I’ll be blogging the bejesus out of my Morocco trip with Mom (that is happening in… exactly 30 days!), so don’t fret. But for now, please let this cheesy, late, but rather necessary, list of things that mean the world to me. I hope that you all had bloody wonderful Thanksgivings, enjoyed spending time with your families, and ate fucking amazing food. [Seriously, I don’t know what it is, but I am going through MAJOR American food withdrawals right now. Would kill small parakeets for this exact meal slash combination of food: a piping hot bowl of my Mom’s homemade Chex-Mix, a whole gallon of cold, Skim milk, a chicken Caesar salad, either a: Pepperoni Lover’s pizza from Pizza Hut (with breadsticks) or one of my dad’s spiced pizzas, and a box of Ho-Hos. Yes, there would obviously be leftovers, which would suit me just fine. If I could get that, I would be the happiest of campers.]

So, without further ado:

Things for which I am thankful

·      My family – Without them, I would literally be a giant mess. Their unconditional love and support through of my crazy adventures never ceases to amaze me. You guys are legitimately the best. Could not ask for more awesome parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, fake families (Elliotts, this means you guys!) etc. And let’s be honest with ourselves, where else would I be able to find a family that would laugh hysterically at me as I spilled Coke down the front of my shirt ‘cause they get that I was trying to reference our favourite film?!

·      My friends, old and new – You all have provided me with countless years of amazing memories and inside jokes. I could NOT imagine my life without any of you. I wish that I had the time and brainpower to thank every single one of you individually, making sure to include all the memories we share, but I don’t. So, just know that I love and appreciate the bejesus out of you. And how flipping lucky am I to have so many friends from all around the globe? To know I’m always welcome (I hope?) anywhere in the world I am if I need it – Australia, New Zealand, Zanzibar, Kyrgyzstan (who would’ve thunk?), the UK, Germany, Sweden, etc… Thank you all for your relentless patience and for making me smile and laugh every single day.

·      My Peace Corps experience – Yes, there have been ups and downs about what I’m doing here, but I would not change it or give this up for the world! I absolutely, 100% made the right decision on that tiny island of Zanzibar over a year ago, when I wrote ‘yes’ in that email. I am only eight months in, with a year and a half left, and I have already met some of the most amazing, inspiring, and wonderful people; both American and Kyrgyz alike. The crazy kids have worked their way into my heart, where they’ll stay for quite some time and they have all become my family. When people have seen you at your worst (vomiting into fountains and sick as a dog with giardia), they start to become something more than just friends. I could not imagine getting through this experience without the kind words of encouragement from the 18s or commiserating with my fellow 19s. We’re all in this together (get it, HSM – Kathryn!). There are no words to describe how much I am growing as a person and how much I am learning about myself. Be prepared, more than likely, a completely different (although somehow exactly the same) person will be returning to the States during the summer of 2013.

·      Never having gone hungry in my entire life – One of the vols mentioned this as one of the things for which she was thankful at our Talas-giving this past weekend. And I’m really upset with myself that this isn’t something for which I am CONSTANTLY thankful. As much as I complain about food here (if I never have to eat the fat from a sheep’s ass ever again, it will be too soon), I am fed every day. The same can be said, if not infinitely more so, about my life back in the States. There are so many people on this planet that go two or three days, if not longer, without having a proper meal. If I cannot immediately remedy this problem of global malnutrition and impoverishment, the least I can do is be appreciative of every single thing that I put in my mouth [which right now includes a shit ton of Doritos my mom sent in her last package]. This also makes me want to work harder to rectify this problem in my future.

·      Useless and mindless pop culture/media – yeah, admit it, you knew that this was going to be on here somewhere. I’ll be the first to admit it, and I have before, I am a pop culture sponge and probably watch too much of it. However, that’s one of my personality traits and you get what you get. :) I will forever be that girl who can recall Colin Firth’s daughter’s hairdresser’s name (but really, I don’t know that one). Most of the time I’m proud of it. In this case, though, I am thankful for it ‘cause it’s strengthened one of the things that makes me me and gives me a chance to connect with other people. You KNOW that if there is EVER anyone who knows what the hell 10^th Kingdom is that I am going to be one of his/her best friends. And I’ll be honest with you guys, all this stuff also helps one get through cold-ass winter nights when the power is off – that is, until one’s computer battery runs out…

·      Books – Firstly, if anyone is interested in interfaith relationships, pluralism in America/the globe, or social justice work, I highly recommend Eboo Patel’s Acts of Faith. One of the most amazing reads ever. Incredibly personable prose and it didn’t drag, which is always nice. Makes me want to be more active with social justice (possibly with his org?) and do more for the world. And obviously makes me miss Chicago like.it.is.my.full-time.job. With that being said, I am so thankful for the temporary escape that reading brings me. And that people have the talent to write such beautiful pieces (most of the time) of art and to share it with the world. Not only that, but the fact that reading books brings people from all walks of life together in order to discuss a specific one, whether it’s in a formal book club or drunken rant sessions at apartments on the weekends. I feel that reading reflects on life as well: there are so many different genres of books, all of which appeal to different groups of people. We’re all just a giant amalgamation of awesomeness. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

I wish that there were more my brain could articulate right now (there are definitely more things for which I’m thankful, but can’t think of any). I also don’t want to get too cheesy, sentimental, or preachy on you guys; that’s not why you check this out. Haha. With all of the above being said, I am so thankful for each and every one of you and all that you bring to my life. Would NOT be the girl I am today if it weren’t for you guys. Always thinking of you and wishing you the most amazing of holiday seasons.

<3

PS – Hopefully a more coherent, work-like update will come to fruition soon. Fingers crossed.

Students, stuff to do, and spies - oh my!

While sitting in one of my classes today, waiting for them to finish working on an exercise from the book, the call to prayer echoed throughout the village. And it reminded me just how much I love hearing that every day. Yes, at 4 in the morning during Ramadan it was a bit grating, but most of the time – so beautiful! Which then got me thinking about how much I can’t wait to be able to hear it and understand the whole thing. Or experience it somewhere like Jerusalem, the West Bank, Egypt, etc. Seriously, couldn’t tell you exactly what it is that I find so fascinatingly beautiful – the words and language, the melody, the message behind it, the unity it brings… More than likely it’s all of the above.

Of course, this all made me super excited and anxious about heading to grad school to focus on this and then spend the rest of my life (burusaa) working in the field. Just think of the havoc I could cause doing something like this. Or the pictures I could take and then DO SOMETHING with. Or even just be able to travel and learn more about the world! As excited and ready for that next adventure in the UK, hopefully, to begin, I think I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that it won’t happen for another 20 months. Obviously, I’m good to go right now, but I have prior obligations; I’m finally getting projects started here. Leaving now would be the worst thing I could do for myself and the people in my village.

Now, when I say I’ve started projects, I really mean that quite a few have magically (and suddenly) ended up on my lap. As overwhelmed and swamped as I may feel with all of these projects now on my To-Do list, it feels so damn good to think that I am actually doing something now. All those months of passivity and inactivity were really getting to me mentally. I mean, I understand that 7 months is really nothing when looking at the whole picture of 27 months, but when others are executing projects, writing grants, attending trainings, having amazing language skills, and rocking at everything they do, it gets to you. One of the things that I have to constantly keep reminding myself (thank you, Steve Root and your blog entry on the same subject) is that each PCV has a completely, 100% different experience than another. I cannot keep comparing myself or my service to anyone else. I just have to do everything I can, the best that I can, in my own life.

What follows is a brief summary and breakdown of what’s going in my life at the mo’.

-       While I’m not in charge of the grant writing or other such logistics, I’m helping organize the housing for the run that’s happening in Talas next month. But let’s be honest, housing for 40+ people is no easy task. Also going to be working with one other vol to help photograph for the event. Hello, working-on-my-portfolio! If you have seen my note on FB, you know what it is and why, but if you haven’t: a whole bunch of vols from around the country are coming in and running a half marathon, 10k, or 5k in order to raise money (through donations – we’ll be pimping the link ASAP, please be patient!) and awareness about heart disease and nutrition among Kyrgyz people. The money we raise will be used to put on a training-of-trainers (ToT) next year on the subject, hoping vols with then go back to their oblasts and villages to create health and nutrition clubs.

-       The newest project is one my friend told me about just yesterday. It’s not a giant one, but still requires getting funding through writing a grant (EEK! My lack of grant writing abilities is starting to really get to me.) and a bunch of planning. Basically, it would be a three-ish day camp, focusing on English, over winter break. I’m hoping, that since whomever I work with and I can pick when it will be, my Morocco trip with Mom (OMG!! We’ll come back to this in a few) won’t be a problem. More updates on this one as they develop.

-       But the one I’m most excited (and fucking terrified) about, and will probably take the most out of me, is this really cool dance thing. I will be creating a dance – a mix of hip hop and modern – with some different dance groups in Talas City. We’re designing this for an organization trying to bring up discussion about bride kidnapping. In my head, the dance will have a storyline similar to that from Centre Stage (right, Ri?): boy meets girl, she plays hard to get but really likes him, bad boy sees her and tries to ‘kidnap’ her, both boys fight, girl gets in the middle and almost dies, which then leads the bad boy to realize his mistakes and turn to the good side. If things work out, the dance will be taken around the oblast (and maybe the country?) to festivals. So excited to finally be able to concretely choreograph something and for a worthwhile cause! However, the same things that make me pumped also scare the bejesus out of me – SOMUCHPRESSURE. This could be a defining project in my service; can’t fuck this up. And people I respect are counting on me to do amazing things with this. Oh baby God.

In other news, everything else is going relatively well. School is in full swing, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing ‘cause it keeps me busy and it’s what I’m supposed to be doing. Good thing ‘cause some of the kids are amazingly talented, motivated, and just make me feel like I’m doing something helpful here. Good thing ‘cause that means that I’m also working on some clubs as well. The clubs have been going well, I guess. They’re technically English/dance/theatre clubs, but we have been focusing on dance and fun Halloween stuff for the younger and older kids, respectively. Hopefully they’ll work out and I will continue to enjoy ‘em. :)

Bad thing ‘cause it means early-ass mornings (we all know what kind of a person I am; if not, the answer is: not a morning person!), without coffee – homegirl can only wake up so much earlier to get ready without having to worry about making instant coffee too! Bad thing ‘cause I’m finding out what my frustrations are within the school system here. I don’t like the grading system. I’m finding it super hard to not be taken seriously by students when I’m on my own because I’m not scary enough or I’m the ‘cool’ teacher (this one’s new to me – never been the ‘cool kid’). I’m hoping that once my students and I better know each other, my counterpart and I get more comfortable with teaching, and the year progresses that everything will work itself out. Fingers crossed for me, will you?

Now for the fluff:

‘Of all the gin joints, in all the world, she walks into mine…’ Yes, that’s right, folks: come this December, the mother unit and I will be heading across the pond (for her, for me it’s just across a gihugic landmass) to good ol’ Morocco. We’ll be there over New Year’s basically just taking in all of the ‘major’ sites and tourist attractions. Casablanca, Rabat, Fez (if only Eleven could come with…), Marrakesh, riding camels to and spending the night in the Sahara Desert. Yes, please to all of the above. So excited to have this to look forward to – will serve as my 9-10 month marker and cheesily enough, the legit longest I have gone without seeing my mom. Miss the balls out of her and CANNOT WAIT to see her. Also, my camera and I are freaking out in excitement about the pictures I hopefully will be taking. Get ‘er done!

And I know that you’re all very much intrigued to know that I’ve indeed finished the entirety of Chuck, at least what’s aired already. Can I just say? Goddamn. Didn’t think that the show would be as entertaining as it was. So many crazy-ass, wonderful cameos (Dom! Sarah Connor [right?]! The dude from one of the newer Star Treks! Superman [ew, did NOT like him at all]!) and the chemistry between the cast was just too awesome. Obviously we will NOT be forgetting a certain Mr Levi… YESPLEASE. Aside from the aforementioned gentleman, I think one of my favourite things about the show is the little shout-outs to other pop culture references it had. One of my all-time favs: when Chuck is reading the 1^st Game of Thrones book and says to it (something I do ALL THE TIME, talk to my books) ‘Oh come on, Eddard, you don’t let your kids keep a direwolf!’ Such clever writing. So ready to find out what happens in season 5, but not too pleased upon hearing that this will be the final season. What will I do to get me through the last few months of my service in 2013?! *facepalm*

In terms of books, finished Joseph Campbell’s Power of the Myth which was fantastic. Currently trucking through the second of the Game of Thrones series. Gosh, does that man know how to write a series. I think that Tyrion Lannister is one of the most compelling and fantastically complex characters I’ve ever encountered. And I just love little Arya with my whole being; so feisty. Cannot wait to see what happens in the books, especially with the very pretty mental images I have in my head while reading, thanks to the HBO show.

If anyone has any books they’ve thoroughly enjoyed recently, GIVE ME THEIR TITLES. Have been going through far too much television (Chuck, Castle – OMG!, Dexter, Archer, and How I Met Your Mother) lately and will need something to get me through the winter! With that being said, if you have new TV shows that are fantastic (and more than just one season), send those in my direction too. Haha.

So wishing that I could be in the States for Mike’s 21^st on Thursday, but know that we’ll have many more birthdays to celebrate once I’m finished with service. Missing everyone like it is my job; thinking of you all every day. Let me know what’s going in your lives – I love hearing from you all. Hope everyone is doing splendidly. Will try and be better about updating from now on; damn Chuck just took over my life and wouldn’t let go. All my love to the moon and back.

<3

PS – When does Daylight Savings Time end/start? So wish I could take part in it, could use an extra hour (or seven) of sleep.

Let this be a warning to you all...

This blog post is here to serve as a warning to all PCVs – current and future – against the perils of giardia. I wish that I could say that ‘giardia’ is actually the name of my seductive and uber-talented Italian spy alter ego (can you tell that I’ve been watching far too much Chuck in my free time lately?), alas, that is definitely not the case. It is actually a heinous little shit of a parasite that one acquires through tainted water, usually infected by sheep (damn those stupid koy!). The little bugger (no pun intended) then creates itself a home in one’s small intestines. The ensuing results are: painfully, uncontrollable shivers, extreme loss of appetite (mostly ‘cause you can’t bear to stomach anything anyway), and setting up base camp in your nearest lavatory facility because you’re basically exploding from both ends. Graphic, yes, but I only speak the truth. All-in-all, a SUPER unpleasant experience. But you know what really makes the whole shebang all the more entertaining? Dealing with this your first week of school where their only toilet facilities are wooden boxes covering holes in the ground (granted, that’s also my situation at home, but with a rusty old frame from a bus instead of a wooden box). Oh, that and also fainting into a small – but shallow! – irrigation ditch post-bathroom trip. Yeah, I like to keep things pretty class in the K. Moral of this story is: if you’ve not been drinking it since you were a wee one, ONLY DRINK WATER FROM YOUR WATER FILTER.

First week of school – since we started last Thursday – is officially at an end. However, because of my bout with giardia, I haven’t really gotten a feel for things yet. I keep telling myself that things’ll fall into place; I’ll get the hang of things once I’m there for longer than a week. But right now, I’m just really scared. Scared that I’m not going to be a good teacher; that I’ll get far too frustrated with not being able to actually teach anything or get bored with the repetition (seriously, teacher friends, HOW DO YOU DO IT?!). I’m also scared that I’ve discovered that as much as I like hanging with younger kids, that I actually like the act of learning more than I do teaching… Which frustrates me since I can’t follow up on that feeling (we’ll get to that momentarily) – I’m here for two years to teach and to come up with secondary projects related to the aforementioned topic. Everyone has moments like these their first week, right? I wish that I could have some magic moment during teaching when I get bitch slapped by life and think ‘Oh yeah, this is what I’m supposed to be doing!’

As I alluded to before, I am fairly certain I’ve figured out what I want to do after my two years of service is up. I know, I know, this is NOT the time to be thinking about this, I still have 21 months to go! But, I think it’s nice to have the comfort of knowing (or at least thinking I do) what I’m going to do after, so that when the time goes, I’m not scrambling and throwing myself into the deep end without a nice pair of Winnie the Pooh arm bands (and yes, that most definitely was a shout-out to all of those beautiful people who were with me taking our little Jambiani tykes swimming in Stone Town). So, anyway, enough of the babble. The point of the matter is that I think I want to head to grad school. In fact, I’ve even gone so far as to find two programs – remember, I’m just starting the search – that I’m already in love with. One is actually just a school, the SOAS (School of Oriental and African Studies) in London, where I really don’t think I could go wrong picking a degree, the problem would be narrowing it down to either Middle Eastern studies or to African. But, the school is a brilliant one and I’d be satiating this weird obsession I have right now with living in London. Don’t ask me why, I just do. As good as this program/uni sounds, at the moment, I’m leaning toward a program at my alumni Uni of Edinburgh back in Scotland. The program seems to be right up my alley and I’ve already been in contact with one of the heads of program (can you believe that he taught one of my classes when I was there three years ago, had tutorial with him, and he says he remembers me?!). Basically, it’s International Relations for the Middle East with a mandatory Arabic language component, with possible travel in between the two years to either Egypt or Jordan for research opportunities. Hell. To. The. Mother. Fucking. Yes. Where do I sign up and how long will it take?

One of the problems with finding your dream grad school program right now is this: I can’t do it yet. I mean, yes, physically I could (but couldn’t ‘cause the school year has already started), but my guilt and regret meter would be offthecharts if I were to do that. I want to go with all my heart and soul, even right now would be great, but I can’t leave this place; I have an obligation to my school, my counterpart, my new host-family (who are FUCKING PHENOMENAL, btw), and my friends here. To leave them now would just be… awful. So, basically, you’re all going to have to do with Extremely Impatient Sarah for the next 21 months. Hope I’m not too much of a pain in the ass.

Quick family update: due to circumstances that were beyond my control-ish, I moved (twice) and am now currently living with a different host-family. Guys, they’re great! SO different from the other families I’ve dealt with having been in-country. There’s a host-mom, dad, two little inis (6 and 5), and one little singdhe (1 – she always cries when she’s given to me, hope that’ll change). And while my first host-family here in Jyldyz had kids sometimes, these kids actually interact with me. They talk to me (a lot). They hang out in my room (a lot). They ask me questions about me and my stuff (a lot). And despite being normal kids and whining (a lot), they’re really good, cute kids. My host-mom is great, she’s pretty close to my age – she’s 28 – so she talks to me all the time, helping me integrate into the family and inviting me to family events. Y’ALL – I FINALLY GOT A BANYA (granted, it was a communal one – awkwarrrrrrd – but come on)! So, fingers crossed that things continue to go this way and these could be a very tolerable next two years family-wise. :)

On an incredibly random note: Y’all (why I do I keep saying this? I’m blaming Casey Palmer, despite not having hung out with her in a while), I canNOT stop watching the silly TV show Chuck. Like, legitimately. It’s not even that sodding amazing (who am I kidding, yes it is!) but I watch it all the time. If I had to pinpoint the main reason why I watch the show, it would definitely be because of Zachary Levi. Dear GOD, that man is attractive. But it’s not the only reason. As cliché and overused as the main-character-is-in-love-with-his-partner storyline is, this one just works. Maybe because it’s so tormented-star-crossed-lovers and I’m a sap for that kind of stuff, or maybe just ‘cause the acting is good. It also doesn’t hurt that the supporting cast is GREAT. Everyone at that silly wannabe Best Buy is hysterical. And seriously, can you go wrong with Mr Adam ‘Jayne’ Baldwin? Uh, the answer is no. He’s just too badass for his own good. Joss Whedon, you done well finding that kid. And even though most of the time I can see where the story’s going, I still love it, because every once in a while they’ll spring something on me that just makes me stare at my computer screen and go ‘WTF?!’ outloud. With that being said, I apologize in advance if you end up constantly listening to me enthuse about this show and its lead. I’ll get over it eventually. Just roll with the punches on this one. Haha.

Wish I had a more eloquent way to end this, but I do. So, as I send my love and best wishes to everyone, especially starting new school years, jobs, etc., I leave you with this brilliant quote: ‘In case I don’t see you – good afternoon, good evening, and good night.’

<3

Contentedly discontent.

Before I start on the ‘real’ stuff, I just have to say this: I’m fucking in love with Kyrgyzstan. This place is so beautiful; it takes my breath away pretty much every day. Guys, I WISH you could see this place. The mountains are stunning. The colours are incredible. It’s completely not the same, but at times it reminds me of Africa – the raw, basic lifestyle that just works and the intense appreciation of everything around its people. Yeah, right now it’s hot as balls, but summer’s breaking, so I’m hoping that it’ll get more comfortable. I never thought I’d say this, but I am SO excited for fall and winter to come around. My camera is already excited about the kinds of pictures I’ll be able to take during those two seasons. EEE! :)

Now for the thinking. This past week has been a really interesting one in terms of my headspace.

There was a point during the camp I worked in Issyk-Kul (the oblast with the giant-ass lake) when I was so damn content with life. I was sitting around a table entirely populated of Kyrgyz people, getting ready to break our fast for the day (only a week left of Ramadan!). These people didn’t know me, other than the fact that I was the crazy American fasting, and yet we were all brought together for this one purpose. As usual, they were all incredibly accommodating and hospitable, making sure I had enough plov (of course!) and chai. And despite the fact that I could only understand about 10% of the conversation – even with the PC safety and security coordinator, who was with her family vacationing at the lake, translating as needed – everyone just seemed so damn comfortable with each other. In that moment I felt so perfectly at ease. In that moment I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else doing anything else; I was in exactly the right place at the right time.

I think that this feeling was further compounded at the end of camp when we were saying goodbye to the students. For the majority of the week I didn’t really feel like I was doing much with the kids. Yeah, I was being more normal silly, effervescent self whenever I was around them – as you should while at camp! – but I wasn’t really needed a lot of the time. That was fine ‘cause I am now that much closer to finishing Game of Thrones by George RR Martin [So goddamn good! I highly recommend it to pretty much everyone. And the HBO version is actually not that bad and stays quite true to the book! Also, let’s be honest about this: that cast is fucking beautiful.], but I didn’t feel quite as accomplished as I did after other camps. However, I guess in the little time I spent with them, I got through to at least a few of them? I’m not quite sure how it happened.

After camp, these two girls came up to me and handed me little notes they had had translated from Russian and they rewrote in English. The notes themselves were sodding adorable. Not quite perfect English, they had written about how much fun they had with me, how they were sad they had to go, how much they had learned from me, how much they appreciated my working with them, and that they hoped we’d meet again in the future. I’m not doing their notes justice because they’re priceless, but I don’t want people thinking this is the Sarah’s-The-Best Show… Those two notes, along with the impromptu photo shoot I was forced into with some other students, really helped me come to terms with the fact that this is really happening. I really am in the Peace Corps for two years and this is my life. Hit me upside the head, but I think I really needed to hear that. I’m here to do good work and the fact that people (for the most part) want me to be here.

Conversely, I also get these incredibly vivid moments when I want nothing more than to be out with friends and to start the process of being a grown-up. I don’t know what is bringing these feelings around (I’ll probably just blame this one on Mike for moving), but they’ve been hitting me. Hard. There’s a tiny part of me that is so ready to settle down somewhere, for a time, and start life. Seeing Mike’s new apartment and hearing about how he’s starting fresh, makes me want that. I love and miss that feeling of finding a place and setting up house for the first time. That’s probably one of the ONLY times when everything I own is clean and in order. Haha.

Also, I miss the consistency and regularity of hanging out with friends or getting all gussied up and going out. Or having a pint at the bar, either with the girlies or just to watch a hockey game with the boys. I miss the adventures and stories that come with that. I know that by being here and doing this I’m creating more of those, they’ll just be of a different variety. But it’s not quite the same. I’m also always going through the ‘everyone is living their own grown-up lives and moving on, forgetting me, creating their own stories, having experiences I’m missing’ phase. I seriously need to get the fuck over my FOMO (fear of missing out); it’s quite debilitating sometimes.

Does any of this make sense?

I’ve also started getting quite excited/anxious about what I want to do after my service is over. I obviously want to travel as much as humanly (and financially) possible, but I have the rest of my life to really do that, right? I know that I want to: go back to Jambiani for another amount of time and work/teach/live there; take full advantage of a discounted tuition cost at Uni of Edinburgh for some kind of graduate program; live in Chicago again; live in London – why I’ve so recently become obsessed with this city, I don’t know – and try and find work (maybe photojournalism?). I’m seriously so pumped to start on all this stuff. But I constantly have to keep reminding myself that I’ve got two years to grow, change my mind, find new options, etc. Day at a time, Hopkins.

School starts next week. Still haven’t figured out my new housing situation. Needless to say, definitely starting to panic. Luckily with school, I’ve got a couple of weeks where I can just kind of observe my counterpart and input things as needed. Otherwise, I’d definitely not be sleeping – not that I’ve really been able to lately anyways… – and would be absolutely frantic. Speaking of which, do any of your teacher friends out there have advice for brand-new teachers? Things might be a little different solely because of different system, but I think the question still stands as far as student-teacher interaction, discipline, keeping teaching fun and fresh, etc. HELP ME. Literally any advice or suggestions you have would be fantastic!

Brain is dying at the moment, so I’ll try and wrap this up. Hope everyone’s summer was fantastic and that the first few weeks of school have been acceptable. I’ll be thinking of you when I’m standing in front of my first classroom scared shitless. ;) Know that I’m seriously thinking of you all every day and loving you.

Oh, a quick shout out to those who have managed to send me stuff: you have no idea how much it means to me and how much fun (no, really!) it is to write and send things back. If you’re that type of person, turn to the Dark Side and join the bandwagon; it’s comfier over here. Haha.

<3