Goodbye world, hello real life. Ew.

WARNING: This post might seem a bit incoherent, but at least consider it a post, will you? :p

So, before I left Africa, Rasmus stole my flashdrive so that he could load it up with a ton of awesome Reggae music. I am now the proud owner of tunes by such gods as Morgan Heritage and Richie Spice, among others. But, the one that has really meant the most to me and has made me the most homesick for Jambiani is the track that Shakira did for the World Cup this year: affectionately known as ‘The Waka Waka Song.’ Words cannot express how much this song hits me. Honestly, the moment it comes on, I get the most vivid picture of it coming on at that ill-fated, yet wildly momentous Full Moon Party and just jumping up and down to the chorus with all of those beautiful people who were with me. It is one of the best memories I have and rethinking about it not only comforts me, but it breaks my heart as well. It wouldn’t be that bad, I don’t think, if I weren’t so close to heading back to the States after so flipping long away from home, you know? Obviously excited about going home and seeing all of my friends and family, but at the same time, I’ve LEFT my new friends and family back in Jambiani. I’m *so* not ready to go back to America. My brain just isn’t in it anymore.

It sounds incredibly melodramatic, but I feel as if I’ve left a giant chunk, if not the entire thing, of my heart in Africa. Toni and I had one of our wonderful heart-to-hearts before I left and we both agreed that once you spend a large amount of time on the continent, you’re pretty much there forever. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that some day (inshaallah) I will be back there doing something. It’s in my blood. The kids, people, environment, and way of life get under your skin. As much as they all help you to become a ‘better person,’ or whatever the fuck you want to consider yourself after having done something like this, they have such a hold on you once you leave. Seriously. My little Mwinyi and Babou are too precious to me; I can only imagine what it’s going to be like when I go back and see them once they’ve ‘grown up.’ This whole concept of having your heart in one place and your head/body in another is incredibly off-putting; does that mean that I’m not going to be able to fully delve into the Peace Corps? Will I be able to learn Kyrgyz while my brain is still thinking in Swahili? I know that once I get there and I find my feet I’ll be totally fine, but it’s the pre-departure time when your brain overanalyzes everything and hypes you past the point of sanity.

I know, I know

When I compliment her, she won’t believe me

It’s so, it’s so

Sad to think that she don’t see what I see

But every time she asks me:

‘Do I look ok?’

I say:

When I see your face

There’s not a thing that I would change

‘Cause you’re amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile

The whole world stops and stares for a while

‘Cause, girl, you’re amazing

Just the way you are

…

You know, you know, you know

I’d never ask you to change

If perfect’s what you’re searchin’ for

Then just stay the same

I think I should make a habit of posting songs that seem to influence me, as I do it so bloody often. Haha. This one’s ‘Just the Way You Are’ by… good ol’ Bruno Mars. [Although, I’ll be honest, I got hooked on it after I saw it in Glee – the one episode this season that has made me sob uncontrollably. Good GOD, Chris Colfer is amazing and Kurt/Blaine are the only reason why I continue to watch this shit show. Like, I'm so not even kidding. The kid is brilliant and I want to be his best friend]. I’m sure that by me posting these lyrics, everyone is like ‘Oh, great, another girl with self-esteem issues…’ Well, yep, I have ‘em; have for quite a while, but I’m workin’ on it. And silly songs like these are the little baby steps that I’m taking in order to fully ‘find’ myself. And it’s also the hopeless romantic in me that’s holding out for the person who can say/sing this type of thing to me. Conversely, this could also be a shout-out to all of the amazing people who have constantly said this type of thing to me and had me ignore them. As much as I don’t seem like I believe you, it means the absolute world to me that you say this to me. Keep going; it’ll get through my thick skull eventually. I don’t think I could’ve done this all without you.

<3

There are no words.

Yesterday was brutal. I was a mess. Currently typing this in the Jo-burg airport waiting (seven hours) to catch my flight to Sydney. And all I can think about is Haines and Dulla and my Mighty Mighty Jambiani.

I break into tears pretty much at the drop of the hat, but then one of the vols had to go and post this picture and I fuckin' lost it. Wow, does this feeling hurt...

Both Dulla and Toni said to me before I left that they were 100% sure that they'd see me back in Jambiani again. God, I hope they're right. It would hurt too much if I were to disappoint them.

Currently am too numb and exhausted to type much more. Maybe after I catch up on all of my movies (thank you 14 hours of free movies, Qantas!) and am shoved back into culture shock mode.

My heart was just left behind in Zanzi, but what I have to spare I'm sending to you guys.
<3

Changing Colours

You look at me with uncertainty

You look at me with urgency

You look at me with fear in your eyes

Like you’re about to fall away

But don’t be afraid to change your colours now

I’ve known you’ve all summer

And you’ve rose above it all

I see you hesitate to fall down

But it’s a pretty good view from down here too

And when the wind takes you

It takes me too

When you change colours

I’ll change mine too

Try not to think

And I will try too

When you let go,

I will let go too

Knew you when you were green and small

Like a feather on a wing solo

You know I will miss you when you are gone

But don’t be afraid

If you just can’t hang on…

The cold air is pushing hard on you

I know what you say, I can feel it too

You’ll go through changes,

I’ll go through them too…

Yet another random tangent about how music affects me. We can thank this week’s tangent to the wonderful, ever-talented Josh Groban and his cover (?) of ‘Changing Colours.’ Obviously, the lyrics are above; the bolded and underlined are the ones that make me catch myself and stop to think. It seems that it’s a song of comfort, and words cannot describe how much I need that song of comfort right now. As I’ve mentioned several times previously, I’m absolutely terrified about what’s going to happen within the next two months (OMG, exactly that on my birthday…). But with this song, as silly as it may sound, I can imagine someone in my corner, rooting for me. I can imagine a boyfriend/friend just sitting me down and saying, ‘Look, I know you’re scared and unsure about things, but that’s ok. You’re allowed to struggle and fall, so long as you don’t take it too hard and you pick yourself up after. I’ll be with you every step of the way; that’s what I’m here for – to be your calm through the storm.’ I also think this song accurately describes the normal progression of life: starting timid and shy, but then letting go and changing colours, making leaps and bounds to become a new, better person. Like I said, I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I really do need those stupidly vivid pictures like this that come with certain songs. Cases in point: ‘Edge of Desire,’ ‘Never Think,’ ‘Nicest Thing,’ and ‘Wheel.’ 

I’ve already started having to mentally prepare myself for what is going to end up happening on Friday. I can honestly say that I have NO fucking idea what’s going to happen, other than my being an emotional wreck. I don’t know that I’ll be able to say goodbye to Dulla, Toni, the kids, and the boys (with one in particular). I’ve been with these guys for four months, practically every day – I just don’t feel that I can properly walk away from something like that. These people have become my family, my rock away from home, and knowing that I have to leave them with no certainty that I’ll ever see them again (despite how much I want to), is just heart-wrenching. I got lucky last summer when I was here the first time, as I kept in touch and made a decent enough impression for them to want me to come back, but there was once again that fear that that goodbye would be the end. They’ve all been so instrumental in who I’ve become as a person, that I can’t bring myself to say goodbye! I don’t want it to seem like I won’t try and keep in contact with them, ‘cause God knows I do, I love these guys with my whole heart, I just don’t know the likelihood of that happening; everyone’s lives continue on. The same can be said for the few vols that have weaseled their ways into my life as well (you know who you are!) – there is a very low chance, unless we bust ass and MAKE it happen, that we’ll be nothing more than really awesome Facebook buddies. This is me being pessimistic, obviously, ‘cause I’m only going to get as much out of it as I put in, but while on the having-to-say-goodbye-and-losing-friends track, I’m just going to roll with it.

There’s one guy in particular that I’m so confused about saying goodbye to – we kind of had a fling (if you can even really call it that) while I’ve been here. Like, it’s been nice and fun while it’s lasted, but what do you say to end that? Knowing that there won’t ever be anything more? And with my trains of thought as they are, I don’t even know how genuine he is/was about the whole thing! Alright, I’m going to sound like an uber-bitch when I say this, but it’s kind of true: sometimes with the guys here, and the relationships that may or may not occur, there is an ulterior motive at work. I’d like to HOPE that said guy wouldn’t do something like that and that he’s genuinely interested in me, but there’s always that little niggling feeling at the back of my head. I can’t honestly say that I want to continue anything long-distance, especially what with all the shit I have to deal with when I go back to the States – reverse culture shock, more goodbyes (harder ones!), and getting ready for PC. Sorry, buddy, but you just won’t be my priority. But how does one get that across in a nice way while saying goodbye all at once? Sometimes I feel like I just want to ignore the whole problem and hope that it’ll all just go away, but I know it won’t and that’s probably the worst possible thing I could do… I’ve never had to do this before and I feel that no matter what I’m do I’ll be doing the wrong thing and botch it all completely.

Words cannot describe how much I love every single one of you and cannot wait to see your smiling, beautiful faces when I get home. Pay attention to that last entry so we make sure to see each other before Kyrgyzstan!

<3

Calendars at the ready?

Hello my lovely, lovely friends and family! I now have a tentative plan for my trip to Oz/NZ and the five weeks I shall be in the States before departing to the unknown of Kyrgsrueiwoabjklt-stan. :) Please pay attention and start planning accordingly, 'cause obviously I want to see each and every one of you as much as humanly possible. Haha.

Continuation of Holiday
30 Jan - 3 Feb: Sydney.
3 - 6 Feb: Melbourne.
6 - 16 Feb: Auckland/random places in NZ.

Back in the States
16 - 25 Feb: Omaha.
25 Feb - 1 (or 2) March: Chi!
1 (or 2) - 8 March: G'ma and G'pa's!
8 March: Williamsburg - ELLIOTTS!
9 - 14 March: DC - Caps/Hawks, Ri, and assorted family members.
14 - 17 March: NYC
17 (hopefully early enough!) - 19 March: Chi.
19 - 25 March: Omaha.

Hopefully this all makes sense. And as I said, it's all tentative, as we (Mom and I) haven't actually looked at tickets and such yet.

<3

Happy New Yearrrr! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Who has any fun stories from New Year’s Eve? Come on, someone keep me updated on everyone’s fun, partying lives!

It’s quite weird to think that it’s already 2011. Where the hell did 2010 go?! I feel like I don’t remember any of it! Which is sad and quite embarrassing, because quite a number of important things happened over the year! Another tattoo, tons of amazing concerts, stellar trips, graduating from uni, back to Africa, wonderful memories and friendships… I mean, who could forget John with my mom and bestie (yes, I did cry during ‘Edge of Desire’ during the encore)? Or laughing my arse off at Tyler Perry’s Madea? Or seeing my mates from Edinburgh? Or the many crazy nights in Chicago with The Birches or at Madonnarama with my Disney crew? Forcing Kathryn to take me to Hobbiton for my birthday – nothing better! ;) It astounds me that so much has taken place in the span of 365 days. And I am sincerely, utterly grateful for every single one of those three hundred and sixty-five (it wasn’t a leap year, was it?) days. I really have been, and continue to be, so lucky and privileged to have been able to do the aforementioned things and to go to these amazing places.

And, to think, so much more is to come in the next few months and over the course of two years! MOM COMING TO AFRICA IN FOUR DAYS! [I know it sounds incredibly silly and childish to be so excited about your mother coming to visit, but she really is one of my best friends and I’ve missed her so much over the past four months! Can only imagine the kind of havoc we’ll wreak on Jambiani once she gets here. PUMPED.] Another birthday (an odd number one! L) in 21 days. A jaunt over to Oz and NZ – friends, plays, and Hobbits? Yes, please! Tazer and Laichs with Risa in DC. Norbert (hopefully/FINALLY!) in NYC. Traveling to say goodbye in Georgia, Chicago, Virginia, DC, etc. Heading to Kyrgyzstan for the Peace Corps waaaay too soon. There’s so much in need of being crammed in once I get home. Everything is happening so quickly; too quickly for me to really get myself mentally prepared for whatever is ahead. I know I keep harping on this fact; it’s just all catching up with me now, catching me off entirely guard. At this precise moment in time, I’m scared absolutely shitless about what’s going to happen in March. Like, actually crying about it while I type this. I’m scared. I know you’re tired of me saying this over and over, but I’m terrified.

There’s a quote from a book that I talked about a few weeks ago (Night Train to Lisbon) that I feel fits my inability to really articulate how much everything I’ve done and will do means to me. ‘Of the thousand experiences we have, we find language for one at most and even this one merely by chance and without the care it deserves. Buried under all the mute experiences are those unseen ones that give our life its form, its colour, and its melody.’ So, even though I’ve experienced (and will continue to do so over the course of the next 27 months, and the rest of my life) all of these monumental things, it’s the little things that really shape and influence me. The days when nothing outstanding happens are the ones that actually mean the most. Finding out who we all are through the little things; growing inch by inch, day by day. And now that that’s written, I have absolutely no idea if it even makes sense, but I’m rollin’ with it anyway. ;)

Today was the first day back to nursery school for me. It was definitely a weird experience to walk into my classroom at Kikadini and NOT have my normal kids in class since all of ‘em (but one – poor Muza!) moved up a class. I don’t know how teachers handle that, year after year. You get so attached and used to your kids and then they’re gone! It doesn’t seem fair. I’m not sure I could do that every single year. I have so much more respect for the teachers I’ve had in the past and all of my friends who are now teachers. You all are amazing at letting go! How do you do it? Any suggestions for me for my near future? I guess this should act as practice for my job in Peace Corps, eh? Even though it’ll be with high school students (dear God, save me already) instead of ickle ones. Think that will make it easier or harder to say bye at the end of each school year?

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a bookworm. To the nth degree. Almost embarrassingly so, but that’s just me. Haha. Anyway, I think it’s about time that I update everyone on my latest reading endeavors and offer book suggestions for everyone. Get ready; there are quite a few (which is what happens when you have nothing to do for two weeks but lay in the sun and read).

• The Eight by Katherine Neville – this is one I reread ‘cause I love it so much. It’s kind of like The DaVinci Code, except not at all. Haha. Think a chess set, that when played correctly, uncovers a dark secret. Phenom. Promise.
• The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett – LONG. Was an alright story, but really only finished it so that I would know what’s going on in the miniseries (if I ever get the chance to see it).
• Baking Cakes in Kigali by Gaile Parkin – I thought it was going to be better than it was. Love the concept of hearing from the ‘survivors’ of the Rwandan genocide and how they ‘move on,’ but overall story wasn’t great.
• Hornet Flight by Ken Follett – MUCH better than PotE. Definitely a page-turner. Complete historical brain fluff, but still a good read.
• Savage Garden by Mark Mills – this was a bit of a slow read for me without a real climax or ending; had great potential, but then just kind of puttered off…
• Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – Moving, fictional story that takes place during the Kenyan (maybe? The one where Biafra is created for a short amount of time?) civil war. Ending was abrupt, but decent. Didn’t think it deserved the acclaim of being written by this generation’s Chinua Achebe, though.
• The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova – already spoke about this one; still makes me glad to be a lover of history.
• The Writer’s Tale: The Final Chapter by Russell T Davies and Benjamin Cook – fun, geeky ready that every Doctor Who fan should read. Actually also a surprisingly informative read about the concept of writing.
• Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer – reread, which made me surprisingly (somewhat) side more with Jacob than Edward. Maybe I’m slowly being disillusioned to the whole franchise? Haha.
• Night Train to Lisbon by Pascal Mercier – reminded me quite a bit of Shadow of the Wind, except not nearly as amazing. No climax. Only worthwhile because of a number of passages that made one really stop and think.
• A Weekend With Mr Darcy by Victoria Connelly – SERIOUS brain candy. The title says it all: two women go to a Jane Austen conference and find love. Hey, I needed one of these while I was here, right?
• Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates – fantastically written book that overturns the myth of Paradise in Suburbia during the late 1950s. Film stayed incredibly close to the book, which I like. And with Kate and Leo as the leads – perfect casting.
• Currently reading: Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin – about 200 pages in and not quite sure how I feel about it yet. Admirable and exciting, but there are little things about this guy that just piss me off. We’ll see what happens when I finish it!

Looking back, I really wish that I had written down the length of each of these books. ‘Cause last summer, when I was here for two months, I read 12 books; this year, after three months, I’m only on book 13, yet a few of the above books were in the 900 – 1000 page range. That makes up for the fewer NUMBER of books completed, right? And I have a good chunk more books to read before I leave/head back to the States. Fahrenheit 451, Fugitive Pieces, The Blind Assassin, The Motorcycle Diaries, and I’m trying SO HARD to leave Water for Elephants to reread on the way home. ‘Cause I love that book and want it fresh in my head for the gorgeousness of RPattz in the film (even though I won’t be able to see it!). ;)

Brain has lost its coherency. More as it comes – probably after Mom arrives, though!

<3

PS – Listened to the soundtrack to 25^th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee last night while I couldn’t sleep and words cannot describe how excited I am to see my friends in this at OCP, come February. No joke. And how much I want someone to rig the system so that I get to be one of the guest spellers. Haha. Skank (or Chris!), get on that for me. ;)

Pole sana for the emo-fest to follow...

A few things have been on my mind quite a bit lately. One of which is the notion of people back home forgetting about me while I’ve been over here. [Yep, you can definitely thank Mr John Mayer for this little emo-fest. Culprit: Edge of Desire and the line, ‘There, I just said it: I’m scared you’ll forget about me…’] There are a select few who tell it (that they miss me and want me to come home) to me often, but I sometimes wonder about their sincerity. It’s not as if I doubt it, I just wonder if they’re saying it to make me feel better, since I obviously AM missing them, or if they genuinely mean it. Like, do they randomly think about me, who I’m with, or what I’m doing? Do they get random flashes throughout the day of stupid shit that we’ve done that reminds them of me or see things and think ‘Aw, Sarah…’? ‘Cause I know that happens to me every so often, like I mentioned in the previous entry. I don’t mean to come off as selfish, honestly, I don’t. You guys know me, unless I’m on stage, I do not like exorbitant amounts of attention. (Sometimes you wouldn’t think that about me, would you?) I’m just genuinely curious about what it’s like on the other end of the spectrum when people are gone.

I feel as if my life is at a standstill, where I’ve diverged from ‘the path’ we’ve all started on over the past few years, and everyone else has just barreled right passed me, leaving me in the dust. Part of me thinks that when I go back, they’ll be so far ahead and I’ll frantically try and catch up, but then not quite make it before heading off to Kyrgyzstan. And I know that peoples’ lives naturally progress and I can’t ask them to put their whole entire lives on hold while I figure my shit out, I just feel ostracized and alone because of it. And when you’re already thousands of miles away from everything you know, being pushed further is never a fun thought.

Sometimes I feel that some of the relationships and friendships I have in my life right now are so incredibly one-sided. I try so hard to keep in contact and touch and interested and yet there’s hardly anything in return. Is it because they don’t care? Or they have more important things to do? Or they’ve honestly forgotten that I’m no longer an immediate part of their lives? Or is it because they’re scared/nervous/intimidated/unsure that I’m doing something different with my life; going against the ‘normal’ path of life after finishing uni? If the last one is the case, isn’t that something you’d want to actively try and keep track of? Learn about it as much as you can, be excited for that person and try and come to the point in your own life where you’re as comfortable or enjoying exactly what you’re doing. I don’t know, maybe that’s the idealist/hippie in me, but I just feel like we all should be learning from each other and feeding off experiences of others and yourself, to try and become the best person possible. If there’s something that I’m doing that you want to do, DO IT! Life is too short for you to just continue on placating yourself in order to do the ‘right’ thing all the time. If you want to go geek out at Hobbiton in Matamata, New Zealand ‘cause you’re a huge LOTR fan – GO! If you want to volunteer in a small African village with a bunch of gorgeous, precocious children – DO IT. What’s stopping you?

Toni and I had a discussion about this the other day, in terms of readjusting to everything and knowing how to interact with people. She thought that one of the reasons why she got into so many quarrels with her friends when she last visited home was because their priorities were no longer the same. They all had ‘grown up’ in the sense that they had aged, but they were all obsessed with completely different things: the friends are infatuated about the swanky car, spoiling the kids, making the most money at your job even if you hate it, etc. Whereas Toni, having lived in Africa for two years now, thinks about things that her friends could care less about – footballs for the kids on the beach, markers and coloured pencils, how ridiculous it is to spend £60 on a pair of shoes. Is this making any sense?

I really do love and miss those people I’ve left at home with my whole heart. I’m enjoying what I’m doing here, but obviously still wondering about life back home. Does that mean that I’m weird or too attached and haven’t been able to let go as quickly?

On a seriously more silly, light-hearted note, I am DYING wanting to know what’s going on with Fringe. My friend Ben gave me up to episode four of season three off of his hard drive (of which I only have two more ‘new’ episodes to watch!), but everyone else is now waiting for number 10, which isn’t until JANUARY! Four days before my birthday, to be exact. I would normally be alright with this fact – as I really can deal with the lack of pop culture/TV/whatever – but this season is getting SO GOOD. And my recent rediscovery of Tumblr as shown me what happened in episode 9. Oh. My. God. Are you havin’ a giraffe?! That conversation happens and I’ve missed it? Poor Peter and Olivia! And there are rumors that there may not be a fourth season? Yeah, not ok with that. Why do I always catch on to the good stuff when it’s on the brink of no longer existing? Sigh. Well done, me.

And how was Matt Smith in his first ever Doctor Who Christmas Special? Did he deliver? Were Rory and Amy in it? Aw, how was Michael Gambon as Scrooge?! I SO wish that I didn’t have to wait until February to see it. Haha. Oh well, I’ll get over it (hopefully). I guess I’ll just have to listen to Eleven’s Theme on iTunes over and over to suffice until then. ;)

Well, that was enough of a geek fest for you all, I’m sure. I apologize for that, I just had to get it out, even though I don’t know any of you that even know what the hell I’m talking about. Haha. Here’s me hoping that all of you had the very best Christmases – what swanky stuff did you get? – and missing you oodles!

<3

A very merry un-Christmas.

Who would’ve thunk it that I’d be writing this entry, the day before Christmas Eve, after just having walked the beach, talked to my rasta boys, and gotten a sunburn? Three months already, too! Crazy how life works out, eh? And just think: some of you poor saps are freezing your arses (yes, I realize I just wrote that the British way; I blame my incessant hanging-out with Toni…) off in Chi and Omaha and DC and wherever else you may be while you’re reading this. Not to rub it in or anything. ;)

I’ve definitely been going back and forth a lot recently between being severely homesick and then loving the hell out of this place. Days like this, where I wake up whenever I want (or whenever rasta boyfriends need to get hold of their girlfriends who don’t have working phones so I have to play messenger), experiment with making yummy milkshakes, and then take three-hour long walks on the beach while hanging with friends, remind me just how much I love this place. Seriously, I don’t think I could be in the more perfect place for this particular moment in my life, as cliché as that sounds. I just need the pace and the whole mentality of Jambiani right now. I need to be able to joke with the boys about how rubbish my Swahili is; to give the Masaais a hard time about how hard they try and pump mzungus to buy their jewelry; to see the smiling faces of the kids as they shout your name while you’re walking around the village; to just sit in the sand and read a book, thinking about absolutely nothing.

With that all being said, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have days where I desperately want to go home, just so I can have a large glass of cold, skim milk (oh my God, that with a warm Christmas cookie right out of the oven? Yes, please!) or just so that I can text a friend something insanely stupid after a night out and have it not cost a trillion dollars. It’s really hard to explain – I feel like a giant pendulum going from one extreme to the other. And not being able to articulate why this experience of being away from home has been more trying than any others is maddening as well. I just can’t do it. I’ve been away from my friends and family for longer than four months – um, hello, Edinburgh? – so why is this time so difficult? I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve been doing ordinarily mundane things during a day and then had an incredibly vivid flash of something/someone in Chicago or at home. I’m going to be an optimist and say that I’m like this because I’m missing my family and friends at this festive time of year, as opposed to me not being able to handle the separation. Gotta knuckle down and toughen up before good ol’ Kyrgyzstan comes my way.

Speaking of Kyrgyzstan, oh, the Peace Corps and I are going to have some good times with one another, I can tell. Luckily, my trip to Dar and the US Embassy wasn’t a COMPLETE waste, as my application has been sent off (barely) for my new passport. However, the visa I need for Kyrgyzstan is proving to be the problem, one that no one can really tell me a definitive answer on how to solve said dilemma. And, of course, since we’re America, everything’s now shut for the holidays until 29 December. YES. I either get to a) go to Pretoria, South Africa and find a Kyrgyzi (seriously, what the hell is the shortened version of this country’s name?!) embassy and do it there, b) wait until I get back to the States in the middle of February and just do it while I’m visiting DC – however that brings everything quite close to the deadline of my departure date, never a good thing – or c) somehow come up with another option that doesn’t require me to come back to the States early and do it there. Never a dull moment, huh?

OH! Guys, seriously, pay attention. So, I’m reading this book (it’s number 10, so far), called Night Train to Lisbon. The copy which I’m reading is actually quite rubbish – isn’t the whole point of an editor that you don’t have any typos?! I mean, come on! – but parts of it have really made me stop, put the book down, and really think about what I’ve just read. One of the lines that has really gotten to me is this one: ‘Given that we can live only a small part of what there is in us – what happens with the rest?’ RIGHT?! How awesome is that? Like, of all the decisions we make day after day, what happens to those paths that we don’t take? And if we turned back time to take that other path, would we still turn out the same people? I don’t know, this is just the silly stuff I think about when I have no vols here to look after. Haha.

And because I’m feeling quite type-y, I am now going to make you all suffer through a list of things I miss the most right now. You’ll more than likely laugh/roll your eyes at some, if not all, of these things, but deal with it.

• FRIENDS AND FAMILY – Obvious. I cleaned out my iPhoto library over the past few days and God, have we had some amazing times. I miss each and every one of you like it’s my JOB.
• SKIM MILK – Seriously, powdered milk just doesn’t cut it when you need to make yourself a proper cup of tea or coffee.
• TWIZZLERS – Lavy, you need to cut it with the reminders about these things. I actually salivate when you mention them.
• MAC & CHEESE – As juvenile as it sounds, I could go for a box of good ol’ Kraft right now. Ri, get it ready for DC.
• DECENT BEER – Love me some Kili, but Meleeny, you’ve gotta hook a sister up when I come home.
• DOCTOR WHO – I’m actually crying on the inside because I’m missing the Xmas special. And the fact that I read Russell T Davies behemoth of a book about his experiences writing the show (it was actually fascinating!) doesn’t help.
• SNOW – Yeah, not kidding. I know I’m more than likely going to get my fair share in Kyrgyzstan, but I could definitely go for a pile of snow right now.
• A PHONE THAT DOESN’T DRIVE ME NUTS – After my BlackBerry was nicked, I got a replacement phone. It works, which is really all I need it to do, but it drives me mental; it’s rubbish!
• CLOTHES – I was tired of the clothes I packed about two weeks into this whole ordeal. Haha. I would pretty much give my right arm for a pair of flats or Chucks, skinny jeans, another of my t-shirts, and one of my cardigans. Yes, please.
• TURKEY – When you go both Thanksgiving and Christmas without havin’ a giant turkey, something is wrong. Plus, where’s the fun of it when you can’t chuck the carcass out a second story window? ;)
• GUM – No jokes. It gives you that little kick of sugar and helps the oral fixation.
• BEN & JERRY’S – Cookie Dough, Half Baked, Brownie whatever. YES.
• ITALIAN FOOD – Pesto pasta, bruschetta, fettuccini alfredo, breadsticks. Basically, a trip to Olive Garden is in order for whomever wants to come. Fab 4?
• PINKY’S – You better bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to stock up on these when I hit NZ in February. Kathryn, get ready. Or be prepared to send me packages to Kyrgyzstan. Haha.
• HAWKS GAMES – No matter how shit they may or may not be doing right now, there’s nothin’ like being at the Madhouse on Madison.

I’m sure there are other things, but my brain is quite content at the moment (either that or it just doesn’t want to work).

Missing you all and wishing you the very merriest of Christmases. Enjoy your family time and know I’m thinking of you! And if you don’t hear from me before the New Year, have a BLAST! Have a shot for me (Disney peeps in Chi!) and ring in the best 2011!

<3

PS – as long as this may be, everyone needs to convince me that I need to purchase a Kindle (with what little money I have left) for my PC service. The book-nerd in me will just not go along with getting ready of physical books… Gigi, this is all you!

PPS – How’s Josh Groban’s new album?